1. The Muffin – the too tight hipster pant, where the stomach and love handles spill over the top and out, topped off by a too short top that leaves the stomach exposed. Make sure you buy your trousers big enough and your tops long enough to cover your middle with style. Oh, and keep your underwear in your pants. Enough said.
2. The Michael Jackson – white socks are only appropriate with tennis and cricketing clothes, or with white sneakers at the gym. That’s it – match your socks to your pants and shoes, and make sure they’re long enough so when you sit down you don’t expose any leg.
3. The Sack – large baggy clothing (especially baggy t-shirts and jumpers) make everyone look larger than they are. I don’t care if they’re comfortable but they look good on no one. Fitted clothes (not skintight), no matter what your size, are much more flattering and slimming. And don’t ever wear leggings with a baggy t-shirt or jumper. Leggings are only for dancers.
4. The Mutton – remember the old saying Mutton Dressed as Lamb? Well if you’re still wearing the same kinds of clothes that you wore when you were 20, stop! It’s time to reassess your entire wardrobe. Do you think that it’s making you look younger? Wrong. People are commenting behind your back, trailer-trash is a term that may be used. Do you want people to say that about you? You’ll never be taken seriously when you dress years below your age. And by the way, if you’re also claiming to be years younger than you are, most people are not fooled – wouldn’t you rather people said “She’s great looking for her age” rather than “She’s not aging well, she looks ten years older than she says she is.”
5. The Madonna – black underwear under a white shirt, unless you are of a dark skinned origin, this is a really tacky look. Keep your underwear as underwear, not outerwear (unless that’s the look you’re going for – Desperately Seeking Susan?), discreet is good. Nude underwear is best under light -coloured clothing.
6. The Sausage – looking like you’ve been squeezed into your clothes is far from stylish, and not in the slightest bit slimming. The right size is best, but if you’re between sizes marginally too big is best – people will think you’ve lost weight. Too small and it looks like you’re stacking on the kilos.
7. The Old – old fashioned clothes equals old fashioned and out-dated ideas. If you’ve been wearing the same clothes for 5 or more years, you seriously need to take stock of your wardrobe. Fashions change, and so do the cuts – five years ago all trousers were high-waisted, whilst today the cut is generally much lower. The same goes for your make-up. Colours change, your skin changes – it may be time to reassess your make-up – make sure the colours you’re wearing are really flattering your face. Please, if you’ve still got a shell-suit (one of those tracksuits made of shiny parachute material) THROW IT IN THE BIN. Now! It’s not classy, never has been, never will be.
Don’t let any of these fashion faux pas ruin your look.
© Imogen Lamport 2010
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